Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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