It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
