My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
