Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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