Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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