you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
