she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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