Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
