i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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