Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love accidental penises.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
