ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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