R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
