How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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