If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We need to get me chipped asap
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
