o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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