my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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