It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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