Your tits are I can't wait for
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
