it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
