HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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