So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
