Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
