I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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