I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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