i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
