IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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