she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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