absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
