I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
