Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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