just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
