i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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