she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
