Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
