I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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