I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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