I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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