i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Pooping to opera.
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