I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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