Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

barbara walters just said penis...

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(740): View more from Ohio

well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.

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(801): View more from Utah

She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.

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(514): View more from Quebec

He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why

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(440): View more from Ohio

I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"

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(850): View more from Florida

She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.

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