I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
