hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
