I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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