Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
