I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is wine microwaveable?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
