Yo dont text me then not text me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
