if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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