its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
