Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
