I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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