Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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