So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
