So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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