Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize