I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
