is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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