When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
