If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
