Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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