When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
