Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
