I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
