Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
