his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
