you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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