Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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