Cold hands, warm shart.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
