I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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