You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
