I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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