I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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