when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
