There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
