No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
