yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
