you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
