I hope mine doesn't look like that
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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