got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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