White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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