i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
