that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
