I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
