Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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