If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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