I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
